NOEXTEHO

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The other day, I saw a girl who I recognized from having seen her photo online. I've seen her at my work a few other times, and yet each time is very, very awkward.

• First, she's extremely attractive. That, sadly, always makes things awkward for me.
• Second, the whole online thing is weird. Before nerdiness was as accepted as it is today, I trained myself to avoid talking in public of anything remotely nerdy. I'm untraining myself these days, but still, if you mention a webpage to me in public, you might notice a quick flash of revulsion. Don't worry, it's (probably) not you, it's me.
• Third, she's not the one posting herself online. Her husband is the photographer. She's not the main subject of his photos. In fact, she's probably in only 5-10% of them, if even that. Only someone like me who's been following her husband's photography for a couple of years would really have seen enough photos of her to recognize her as quickly and certainly as I have.
• Finally (and this is the kicker): in several of the photos, she's (tastefully) nude. She's aware that her husband is posting nude photos of her and she's OK with it, but still...

So, my interactions with her are simply: smile a little too large, point her to her book, quickly look away.

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I just realized that now that summer is definitely over, it's officially been over a year since I had a girlfriend. Unofficially, I'm not even sure if that one counted as a girlfriend, so it could have been an even longer time. But honestly, I don't think it really bothers me. This isn't a dry spell so much as it is disinterest. Or, actually, I suppose I've been interested, but I've just let logic get the better of me. Lately, the girls I've been most into have been totally totally wrong for me. The aforementioned photographer's wife. The ditzy, annoying blond. The model-hot party girl. The painfully naive girl I only talk to because I like her hair. The lesbian customer with the androgynous girlfriend. These are the girls I've contemplated asking out lately. What the hell is wrong with me? Either I need to get my logic synchronized with my lust, or I need to ignore one or the other. Until I start doing either, I'm fine being alone. Hell, I have been getting a lot of programming done lately, after all...